my love Comments

(*Chinese Valentine's Day*)

please listen to my love Comments

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

或许是上帝的安排，在最终找到知音之前，我们总要遇到一些不尽如意的人，只有这样，我们才能对知音这份礼物充满感激之情。

　　When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. 　　

一道幸福之门关闭时，另一扇就会打开。我们经常太多太多地只看见关闭的门，而对开启的门却熟视无睹。

　　The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. 　　

也许最好的朋友就是那些你坐在门廊下，看到的来回过往的行人。你与他们一言未语，走开时却感到好像有过最好的交谈。

　　It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. 　　

无疑，一件东西只有失去时，我们才会懂得其真正的价值。同样，一件东西在得到之前，我们并没有意识到它的缺少。

　　Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. 　　

将爱全部付出，并不能确保一定会得到回报。别指望爱有什么回报，耐心地等待它在你所爱的人的心里生根发芽，成长壮大。即使不会那样，也要感到满足，相信爱在自己心里成长。迷恋一个人只需要一分钟，喜欢一个人需要一个小时，爱上一个人需要一天，而忘记一个人则需要一辈子的时间。

　　Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. 　　

不要追求华丽的外表，外表常常具有欺骗性。不要追求万贯家产，财富也会散尽。寻找那个可以使你微笑的人，只有微笑才能使黑暗的日子变得光明。寻找那个能够使你的心灵微笑的人。

Chinese Valentine's Day story

Raise your head on August 7 and gaze at the stars, you will find something romantic going on in the sky.

VALENTINE''S Day in China, the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, falls on August 7 this year.

That is, on Thursday evening, Niu Lang and Zhi Nu will meet on a bridge of magpies（鹊桥） across the Milky Way（银河）. Chinese grannies will remind children that they would not be able to see any magpies on that evening because all the magpies have left to form a bridge in the heavens with their wings.

Romantic legend

The legend has been handed down for nearly 2 millennia. The story has been recorded as far back as the Jin Dynasty (256-420 AD). Poets composed hundreds of verses on the love story and many types of Chinese opera tell the story.

The Chinese people believe that the star Vega（织女星）, east of the Milky Way, is Zhi Nu and, at the constellation of Aquila（天鹰座）, on the western side of the Milky Way, Niu Lang waits for his wife.

Zhi Nu was said to be the youngest of seven daughters of the Queen of Heaven. With her sisters, she worked hard to weave beautiful clouds in the sky, while Niu Lang was a poor orphan cowherd, driven out of his home by his elder brother and his cruel wife.

Niu Lang lamented over his lonely and poor life with an old cow, his only friend and companion. The magical cow kindly told him of a way to find a beautiful and nice woman as his life companion.

Under the direction of the cow, Niu Lang went to the riverside on an evening, where the seven fairies slipped out of their heavenly palace to bathe.

He took one of the beautiful silk dresses the fairies had left on the bank. When the fairies left the water, the youngest couldn''t find her clothes and had to see her sisters fly back to heaven without her.

Then Niu Lang came out with the dress and asked the youngest fairy, Zhi Nu, to stay with him.
Several years passed on Earth, which were only a few days in heaven. Niu Lang and Zhi Nu lived happily together and had two children before the Queen of Heaven discovered Zhi Nu''s absence.
She was so annoyed she had Zhi Nu brought back to heaven. Seeing his beloved wife flying in the sky, Niu Lang was terrified. He caught sight of the cowhide hanging on a wall. The magical cow had told him before dying of old age: "Keep the cowhide（牛皮） for emergency use."

Putting the cowhide on, he went after his wife with his two children.

With the help of the cowhide, Niu Lang was able to follow Zhi Nu into heaven. He was about to reach his wife when the Queen showed up and pulled off her hairpin to draw a line between the two. The line became the Silver River in heaven, or the Milky Way.

Zhi Nu went back to the heavenly workshop, going on weaving the clouds. But she was so sad, and missed her husband across the Silver River so much that the clouds she weaved seemed sad. Finally, the Queen showed a little mercy, allowing the couple to meet once every year on the Silver River.

Well-known poem

One of the most famous poems about the legend was written by Qin Guan of in the Song Dynasty (960-1279).

Fairy Of The Magpie Bridge

Among the beautiful clouds,

Over the heavenly river,

Crosses the weaving maiden.

A night of rendezvous,

Across the autumn sky.

Surpasses joy on earth.

Moments of tender love and dream,

So sad to leave the magpie bridge.

Eternal love between us two,

Shall withstand the time apart.

(Translated by Kylie Hsu)

鹊桥仙

宋·秦观

织云弄巧

飞星传恨

银汉迢迢暗度

金风玉露一相逢

便胜却人间无数

柔情似水

佳期如梦

忍顾鹊桥归路

两情若是久长时

又岂在朝朝暮暮

Compared with love stories in Western legends, the story of Niu Lang and Zhi Nu seems not as intense or passionate. Love doesn''t kill or break up the barrier between them. They just wait patiently on the riverbank, believing that their love can withstand their time apart.

It is faith and emotional liaison instead of physical attraction and desire that is emphasized in the story as well as in many other Chinese folktales（民间故事） about love.

In only a few Chinese folk love stories can be found a description of the physical appearances of the hero and heroine.

In the "Butterfly Lovers", the heroine, dressed as a boy to attend school, falls in love with a classmate. After they have lived together as classmates for years, the hero did not have the slightest clue that his best friend is actually a girl!

Chinese ceremonies

The seventh day of the seventh lunar month is the only Chinese festival devoted to love in the Lunar calendar.

Unlike St. Valentine''s Day in Western countries there is not so much emphasis on giving chocolates, flowers and kisses. Instead, Chinese girls prepare fruits, melons and incense（熏香） as offerings to Zhi Nu, the weaving maiden, praying to acquire high skills in needlecraft（裁缝）, as well as hoping to find satisfactory husbands.

In the evening, people sit outdoors to observe the stars. Chinese grannies would say that, if you stand under a grapevine, you can probably overhear what Zhi Nu and Niu Lang are talking about.

菲尔普斯蓄须“溜进”北京

Michael Phelps sneaked into Beijing almost unnoticed. He's unlikely to go out that way.

The probable star of the Beijing Olympics avoided hundreds of fans, photographers and reporters Monday by taking a side door out to a waiting bus while his teammates pushed luggage trolleys through the arrival gate at Beijing's new Terminal 3.

Phelps, who's grown a mustache while training in Singapore, eventually was spotted — in a window seat on the team bus — by dozens of reporters and photographers. He ignored most of the cameras, glancing in their direction a few times as he adjusted the fit of his baseball cap.

One young Chinese girl said she had waited five hours hoping to get an autograph. She also carried an envelope in her hand, addressed in imperfect English: "To Michael Phelps you have to look at." Asked why she wanted to see Phelps, a friend standing nearby answered for her.

"Because she thinks he's handsome."

Phelps, who won six gold medals four years ago in Athens, is aiming to surpass Mark Spitz's seven-gold effort at the 1972 Munich Games. Phelps will compete in eight events in Beijing, three of which are relays.

"I'm looking to do something different that the sport has never seen," Phelps said a few days ago in Singapore.

At last year's world championships in Australia, Phelps won seven events and was denied the chance for an eighth victory when a teammate was disqualified from the preliminaries of a relay the Americans were heavily favored to win.

迈克尔•菲尔普斯“溜进”北京，竟然没被发现。这是不可能的。

本周一，这位有望成为北京奥运之星的游泳健将躲过了数以百计的粉丝、摄影师和记者的围追堵截，悄悄地从机场的一个小门“溜”上了美国游泳队乘坐的大巴，而他的队友们则推着行李车穿过北京首都国际机场T3航站楼出口。

新加坡集训时就开始留胡子的菲尔普斯，最终还是被十几名记者和摄影师认出来了。他坐在大巴上靠窗的位子，对蜂拥而至的镜头不予理会，只是在整理他的棒球帽时瞥他们几眼。

一个年轻的中国姑娘说她为了得到菲尔普斯的签名已经等了5个小时了。她手上还拿着一个信封，上面用并不标准的英文写着：“迈克尔•菲尔普斯收，你一定要看”。当被问及为什么这么想见菲尔普斯时，她身边的一个朋友替她回答说：

“因为她觉得他很帅。”

曾在四年前的雅典奥运会上一举夺得六枚金牌的菲尔普斯，这次的目标是超过1972年马克•施皮兹在慕尼黑奥运会上创下的包揽七金的记录。菲尔普斯将在北京奥运会上参加八个项目的比赛，其中有三项是接力。

菲尔普斯几天前在新加坡表示：“我希望做一些体育界没有人做过的事情。”

在去年的澳大利亚世界锦标赛上，菲尔普斯获得了七个项目的金牌，而在美国队非常有把握摘金的接力预赛中，由于队友被淘汰，致使菲尔普斯失去了获得第八枚金牌的机会。

Sichuan Earthquake 四川地震

Flags are flying at half-mast across China.

China is coming to the end of an official period of mourning for those who died in last week’s earthquake. For three days, there have been no entertainment events and the government has suspended the Olympic torch relay.

Chinese officials have said that the death toll from the catastrophe has now risen to over 41,000. Over 230,000 people were injured.

Along with the many accounts of suffering and loss, there have been a few amazing stories of survival. Chinese news reported today that a woman in Hongbai has been rescued after being trapped in a tunnel for nine days. She has been taken to hospital and is expected to survive.

However, hopes are quickly fading for those who remain trapped. According to the State Council over 32,000 people are missing in the quake area.

The rescue workers’ attention is now turning towards the recovery of bodies from the rubble and providing food, shelter and drinking water for the survivors.

But the relief operation has been hampered by a series of aftershocks, the strongest measuring 6.1 on the Richter scale.

Chinese news reports say that mudslides have buried 200 relief workers in the past four days. There are also reports that thousands of residents have been evacuated from an area in Qingchuan county where large cracks have appeared in the top of a mountain.

On Monday, tens of thousands of people rushed from their homes after the government warned of a possible major aftershock. They slept on the streets or drove to open ground.

Persistent rain is compounding the misery for the homeless. The foreign ministry has appealed to the international community to provide tents for the five million people who have lost their homes.

Yesterday, Premier Wen Jiabao pledged to send 250,000 temporary housing units to the region by the end of June, and one million within three months.

甜蜜爱情的十大禁忌

10 Ways We Hurt Our Romantic Relationships

It’s not easy to have a great relationship with your boy/girlfriend, partner, or spouse. But it’s not impossible, either — it takes some work, of course, but it’s work, work that’s a joy when everything comes together.

A lot of times, though, the work isn’t enough. We get in our own way with ideas and attitudes about relationships that are not only wrong, but often work to undermine our relationships no matter how hard we work at it.

I’ve watched a lot of breakups (some of them my own). I’ve seen dramatic flare-ups and drawn-out slow fades, and I’ve tried to pay attention to what seems to be going on. Here are a few of the things I’ve seen that cause people to destroy their own relationships.

1. You’re playing to win

One of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive urge. I don’t mean competition in the sense that you can’t stand to lose at tennis, I mean the attitude that the relationship itself is a kind of game that you’re tying to win. People in competitive relationships are always looking for an advantage, the upper hand, some edge they can hold over their partner’s head. If you feel that there are things you can’t tell your partner because she or he will use it against you, you’re in a competitive relationship — but not for long.

2. You don’t trust

There are two aspects of trust that are important in relationships. One is trusting your partner enough to know that s/he won’t cheat on you or otherwise hurt you — and to know that he or she trusts you that way, too. The other is trusting them enough to know they won’t leave you or stop loving you no matter what you do or say. The second that level of trust is gone, whether because one of you takes advantage of that trust and does something horrible or because one of you thinks the other has, the relationship is over — even if it takes 10 more years for you to break up.

3. You don’t talk

Too many people hold their tongues about things that bother or upset them in their relationship, either because they don’t want to hurt their partner, or because they’re trying to win. (See #1 above; example: “If you don’t know why I’m mad, I’m certainly not going to tell you!”) While this might make things easier in the short term, in the long run it gradually erodes the foundation of the relationship away. Little issues grow into bigger and bigger problems — problems that don’t get fixed because your partner is blissfully unaware, or worse, is totally aware of them but thinks they don’t really bother you. Ultimately, keeping quiet reflects a lack of trust — and, as I said that’s the death of a relationship.

4. You don’t listen

Listening — really listening — is hard. It’s normal to want to defend ourselves when we hear something that seems like criticism, so instead of really hearing someone out, we interrupt to explain or excuse ourselves, or we turn inward to prepare our defense. But your partner deserves your active listening. S/he even deserves you to hear the between-the-lines content of daily chit-chat, to suss out his/her dreams and desires when even s/he doesn’t even know exactly what they are. If you can’t listen that way, at least to the person you love, there’s a problem.

5. You spend like a single person

This was a hard lesson for me to learn — until it broke up a 7-year relationship. When you’re single, you can buy whatever you want, whenever you want, with little regard for the future. It’s not necessarily wise, but you’re the only one who has to pay the consequences. When you are with someone in a long-term relationship, that is no longer a possibility. Your partner — and your children, if there are or will be any — will have to bear the brunt of your spending, so you’d better get in the habit of taking care of household necessities first and then, if there’s anything left over, of discussing with your partner the best way to use it.

This is an increasing problem these days, because more and more people are opting to keep their finances separate, even when they’re married. There’s nothing wrong with that kind of arrangement in and of itself, but it demands more communication and involvement between the partners, not less. If you’re spending money as if it was your money and nobody else has a right to tell you what to do with it, your relationship is doomed.

6. You’re afraid of breaking up

Nobody in a truly happy partnership is afraid of breaking up. If you are, that’s a big warning sign that something’s wrong. But often, what’s wrong is the fear itself. Not only does it betray a lack of trust, but it shows a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem — you’re afraid that there’s no good reason for someone to want to be with you, and that sooner or later your partner will “wise up” and take off. So you pour more energy into keeping up the appearance of a happy relationships than you do into building yourself up as a person. Quite frankly, this isn’t going to be very satisfying for you, and it also isn’t going to be very satisfying for your partner.

7. You’re dependent

There’s a thin line between companionship and support and dependency. If you depend on your partner — that is, if you absolutely cannot live without her or him — you’ve crossed that line. The pressure is now on your partner to fill whatever’s missing in you — a pressure s/he will learn to resent. If you expect your partner to bring everything while you bring nothing to your relationship — and I’m talking finances as well as emotional support, here — you’re in trouble. (Note: I’m not saying that you need to contribute equally to household finances — what I’m saying is that if you’re not contributing to the household budget, and you’re not contributing anywhere else, things are out of whack and that’s never good.)

8. You expect Happiness

A sign of a bad relationship is that one or both partners expect either to make the other happy or for their partner to make them happy. This is not only an unrealistic expectation to lay on yourself or on them — nobody can “make” you happy, except you — but it’s an unrealistic expectation to lay on your relationship. Relationships aren’t only about being happy, and there’s lots of times when you won’t and even shouldn’t be. Being able to rely on someone even when you’re upset, miserable, depressed, or grieving is a lot more important than being happy all the time. If you expect your partner to make you happy — or worse, you’re frustrated because you aren’t able to make your partner happy — your relationship isn’t going to fare well when it hits a rough spot.

9. You never fight

A good argument is essential, every now and then. In part, arguing helps bring out the little stuff before it becomes major, but also, fighting expresses anger which is a perfectly normal part of a human’s emotional make-up. Your relationship has to be strong enough to hold all of who you are, not just the sunny stuff.

One reason couples don’t fight is that they fear conflict — which reflects a lack of trust and a foundation of fear. That’s bad. Another reason couples avoid arguments is that they’ve learned that anger is unreasonable and unproductive. They’ve learned that arguing represents a breakdown rather than a natural part of a relationship’s development. While an argument isn’t pleasant, it can help both partners to articulate issues they may not have even known they had — and help keep them from simmering until you cross a line you can’t come back from.

10. You expect it to be easy/you expect it to be hard

There are two deeply problematic attitudes about relationships I hear often. One is that a relationship should be easy, that if you really love each other and are meant to be together, it will work itself out. The other is that anything worth having is going to be hard — and that therefore if it’s hard, it must be worth having.

The outcome of both views is that you don’t work at your relationship. You don’t work because it’s supposed to be easy and therefore not need any work, or you don’t work because it’s supposed to be hard and it wouldn’t be hard if you worked at it. In both cases, you quickly get burnt out — either because the problems you’re ignoring really don’t go away just because you think they should. or because the problems you’re cultivating are a constant drag on your energy. A relationship that’s too much work might be suffering from one of the attitudes above, but a relationship that doesn’t seem to need any work isn’t any better.

Your choices

There isn’t any one answer to any of the problems above. There are choices though: you can either seek out an answer, something that addresses why you are hurting your relationship, or you can resign yourself to the failure of your relationship (and maybe the next one, and the next one, and…). Failure doesn’t always mean you break up — many people aren’t that lucky. But people can live quite unhappily in failed relationships for years and even decades because they’re afraid they won’t find anything better, or worse, they’re afraid they deserve it. Don’t you be one of them — if you suffer from any of these problems, figure out how to fix it, whether that means therapy, a solo mountain retreat, or just talking to your partner and committing yourselves to change.

Today I begin a new life(转载)

Today I begin a new life.

Today I shed my old skin which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediority.

Today I am born anew and my birthplace is a vineyard where there is fruit for all.

Today I will pluck grapes of wisdom from the tallest and fullest vines in the vineyard,for these were planted by the wisest of my profession who have come before me,generation upon generation.

Today I will savor the taste of grapes from these vines and verily I will swallow the seed of success buried in each and new life will sprout within me.

The career I have chosen is laden with opportunity yet it is fraught with heartbreak and despair and the bodies of those who have failed, were they piled one atop another, would cast a shadow down upon all the pyramids of the earth.

Yet I will not fail, as the others, for in my hands I now hold the charts which will guide through perilous waters to shores which only yesterday seemed but a dream.

Failure no longer will be my payment for struggle. Just as nature made no provision for my body to tolerate pain neither has it made any provision for my life to suffer failure. Failure, like pain, is alien to my life. In the past I accepted it as I accepted pain. Now I reject it and I am prepared for wisdom and principles which will guide me out of the shadows into the sunlight of wealth, position, and happiness far beyond my most extravagant dreams until even the golden apples in the Garden of Hesperides will seem no more than my just reward.

Time teaches all things to him who lives forever but I have not the luxury of eternity. Yet within my allotted time I must practice the art of patience for nature acts never in haste. To create the olive, king of all trees, a hundred years is required. An onion plant is old in nine weeks. I have lived as an onion plant. It has not pleased me. Now I wouldst become the greatest of olive trees and, in truth, the greatest of salesman.

And how will this be accomplished? For I have neither the knowledge nor the experience to achieve the greatness and already I have stumbled in ignorance and fallen into pools of self-pity.

The answer is simple. I will commence my journey unencumbered with either the weight of unnecessary knowledge or the handicap of meaningless experience. Nature already has supplied me with knowledge and instinct far greater than any beast in the forest and the value of experience is overrated, usually by old men who nod wisely and speak stupidly.

In truth, experience teaches thoroughly yet her course of instruction devours men's years so the value of her lessons diminishes with the time necessary to acquire her special wisdom. The end finds it wasted on dead men. Furthermore, experience is comparable to fashion; an action that proved successful today will be unworkable and impractical tomorrow.

Only principles endure and these I now possess, for the laws that will lead me to greatness are contained in the words of these scrolls. What they will teach me is more to prevent failure than to gain success, for what is success other than a state of mind? Which two, among a thouand wise men, will define success in the same words; yet failure is always described but one way. Failure is man's inability to reach his goals in life, whatever they may be.

In truth, the only difference between those who have failed and those who have successed lies in the difference of their habits. Good habits are the key to all success. Bad habits are the unlocked door to failure. Thus, the first law I will obey, which precedeth all others is --I will form good habits and become their slave.

As a child I was slave to my impulses; now I am slave to my habits, as are all grown men. I have surrendered my free will to the years of accumulated habits and the past deeds of my life have already marked out a path which threatens to imprison my future. My actions are ruled by appetite, passion, prejudice, greed, love, fear, environment, habit, and the worst of these tyrants is habit. Therefore, if I must be a slave to habit let me be a slave to good habits. My bad habits must be destroyed and new furrows prepared for good seed.

I will form good habits and become their slave.

And how will I accomplish this difficult feat? Through these scrolls, it will be done, for each scroll contains a principle which will drive a bad habit from my life and replace it with one which will bring me closer to success. For it is another of nature's laws that only a habit can subdue another habit. So, in order for these written words to perform their chosen task, I must discipline myself with the first of my new habits which is as follows:

I will read each scroll for thirty days in this prescribed manner, before I proceed to the next scroll.

First, I will read the words in silence when I arise. Then, I will read the words in silence after I have partaken of my midday meal. Last, I will read the words again just before I retire at day's end, and most important, on this occasion I will read the words aloud.

On the next day I will repeat this procedure, and I will continue in like manner for thirty days. Then, I will turn to the next scroll and repeat this procedure for another thirty days. I will continue in this manner until I have lived with each scroll for thirty days and my reading has become habit.

And what will be accomplished with this habit? Herein lies the hidden secret of all man's accomplishments. As I repeat the words daily they will soon become a part of my active mind, but more important, they will also seep into my other mind, that mysterious source which never sleeps, which creates my dreams, and often makes me act in ways I do not comprehend.

As the words of these scrolls are consumed by my mysterious mind I will begin to awake, each morning, with a vitality I have never known before. My vigor will increase, my enthusiasm will rise, my desire to meet the world will overcome every fear I once knew at sunrise, and I will be happier than I ever believed it possible to be in this world of strife and sorrow.

Eventually I will find myself reacting to all situations which confront me as I was commanded in the scrolls to react, and soon these actions and reactions will become easy to perform, for any act with practice becomes easy.

Thus a new and good habit is born, for when an act becomes easy through constant repetiton it becomes a pleasure to perform and if it is a pleasure to perform it is man's nature to perform it often. When I perform it often it becomes a habit and I become its slave and since it is a good habit this is my will.

Today I begin a new life.

And I make a solemn oath to myself that nothing will retard my new life's growth. I will lose not a day from these readings for that day cannot be retrieved nor can I substitute another for it. I must not , I will not, break this habit of daily reading from these scrolls and, in truth, the few moments spent each day on this new habit are but a small price to pay for the happiness and success that will be mine.

As I read and re-read the words in the scrolls to follow, never will I allow the brevity of each scroll nor the simplicity of its words to cause me to treat the scroll's message lightly. Thousands of grapes are pressed to fill one jar with wine, and the grapeskin and pulp are tossed to the birds. So it is with these grapes of wisdom from the ages. Much has been filtered and tossed to the wind.Only the pure truth lies distilled in the words to come. I will drink as instructed and spill not a drop. And the seed of success I will swallow.

Today my old skin has become as dust. I will walk tall among men and they will know me not , for today I am a new man, with a new life.